someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
