I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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