i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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