I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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