I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
