i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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