Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I could make wine with my vomit
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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