i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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