I could have mohawked her pubes.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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