He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
