Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
