There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
