you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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