apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just want to make out with him forever
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
