Pants 0. Shit 1.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
