I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
