Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
