My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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