You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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