smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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