you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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