MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
