wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
