the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize