i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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