so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So here I am, sexting at work.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
