Umm I'm too high to move.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
