I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
