ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
