I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
