Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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