just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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