All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
