Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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