i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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