I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
