Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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