He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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