Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Shame is for Republicans.
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