I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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