Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
