Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
50% drunk capacity currently
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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