Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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