i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
