Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
