Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just cropdusted the office
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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