yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
