eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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