thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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