the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My brain says no but my pants say off.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
