I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish i was in the wii world.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
