All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
