Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
