Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
