I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
