I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
