Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you had me at cake vodka
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
