I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
