Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
