SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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