we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
