I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
