If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
