dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
