Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
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her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
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The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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