I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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