I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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