Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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